We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
