i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
