you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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