wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize