I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
