i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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