i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
