My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
