Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the day after is always just damage control
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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