first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
