It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
