Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
