She is in my trunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
