it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
