So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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