So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize