He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Fuck appropriateness.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
