I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
