Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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