chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
