We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
