dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
