shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
