AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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