rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
