i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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