i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
