do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
