Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
