babies were throwing up all over the place
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
