her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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