alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
