I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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