All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
