my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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