God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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