If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
