so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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