i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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