And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
