you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
