i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
