he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
