Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
