u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
