I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the condom got lost in my hair
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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