Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
