I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
