At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
