Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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