Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
