dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize