fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
