these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
