Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
