some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They took my balls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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