Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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