oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
