You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
