my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
