my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
