There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
