Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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