i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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