Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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