I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
