You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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