ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
