Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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