this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
