Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
