i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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