just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
