Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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