yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
