I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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