I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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