We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
