So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
