Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
