Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize