Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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