...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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