May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
