Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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