THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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