thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
