Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
