Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize