you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
