Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
