hotel room ftw
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
