New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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